I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
