After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
