She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
