Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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