Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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