i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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