using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
