Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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