The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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