no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
