It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
