She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
