It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
