Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
