the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
