last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
