dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
