Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it's like iHOP with fire
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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