i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
