I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
