the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
