I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
