It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
