half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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