I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
