My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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