Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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