his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
