You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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