I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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