I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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