Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
