so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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