I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
