She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
