he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
