She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my being single is dangerous.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize