Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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