My liver just broke up with me...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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