Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
