i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize