um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My dick has a subreddit
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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