Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
