what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
