So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
