It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
