I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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