And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
