I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
