Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
