May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
