I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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