remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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