I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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