Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she peed on how many people?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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