OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
