I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
