Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
