she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
