what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
