your thong is hanging out like whoa
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Green mimosas i think yes
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
