it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
