I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize