in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
