i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
