This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
