Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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