You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
