The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
