Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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