I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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