While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
