Swine flu. Run for my life!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
