I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
this will be a night to untag.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
