ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
