Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
