Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize