think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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