Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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