There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
